Clash of the Titans

OPENING: 04/02/2010

STUDIO: Warner Bros.

RUN TIME: 118 min

ACCOMPLICES:
Trailer, Official Site

The Charge
The heavens raise hell…

Opening Statement
I suppose the best way to sum up Warner Bros.’ new blockbuster Clash of the Titans is mindless, heedless material. Often sloppy and often boring, the biggest clash in this movie is that despite its decent effects and action sequences, the rest of the movie is a snooze-fest completely devoid of any depth or notable performances whatsoever.

Facts of the Case
Perseus (Sam Worthington, Avatar) has never known his true background. He has no idea that he is the son of Zeus (Liam Neeson, Ponyo) and Danae. He has no idea of the power and gifts he possess being the demigod son of the most powerful Greek God ever. All he knows is when he was an infant he was found floating in the ocean in a casket with his mothers dead body, and the man who found him, Spyros (Peter Postlethwaithe, Solomon Kane), raised and has loved him ever since. However, while on a family outing on the sea, Perseus and his family witness soldiers destroying a statue of the mighty Zeus, in essence declaring war on the Greek Gods. Almost immediately, Hades responds in big way, summoning the ferocious Kraken to retaliate. Unfortunately, Perseus’ entire family, excluding him, are murdered by the Kraken as well, much to his devastation. Perseus is found by the surviving group of soldiers, and eventually learns that he himself is a demigod. He enlists with the soldiers, and vows to avenge the murders of his family within the ten day window the Gods grant the people of Argos to repent and show remorse for the disrespectful attitudes they hold towards the mighty rulers.

The Evidence
Geez Louise. After all of the grandeur and all of the magnificence that was shown in the trailer from a special effects point of view, I thought this film would completely amaze the hell out of me, and have me leaving the theatre in a pumped up, hyperactive sort of mood. I have two words about that: Complete. Opposite.

This film was a gigantic letdown, there were so many flaws in it I’m not entirely sure where I should begin. I’ll start with the most obvious: it is boring. Not kidding, this film for about 60% of the time was extremely mind-numbing. If there wasn’t some sort of action sequence occurring on the screen, and the characters were just traveling and talking to one another, the film was incredibly tedious, and I dare anyone to argue against that. Not all films have this kind of problem, it doesn’t take a movie like Rambo to be entertaining when it comes to action and adventure. Look at the Harry Potter movies for example. The majority of those films are walk and talk scenes, but the difference between a film like that and Clash of the Titans is the necessity of such scenes. The scenes such as those in Harry Potter provoke intrigue and plot buildup. The only things the scenes in this movie built up were dreams and snores. Believe me, this film was unimaginably dull.

The acting didn’t help the Interesting Meter to rise very high at all. You think Greek Gods, you think charisma, adventurous, and allure; do you not? You’re not going to get that in this movie. Neeson and Ralph Fiennes (The Hurt Locker) were kind of unenthusiastic, and I thought both of them could’ve done better with the roles they were given. As for Sam Worthington, I don’t know what I think of him yet. In both this, and Avatar, I felt the performances he put on were too drippy. I get no excitement out of seeing him on the screen. I don’t see him panning out to be one of those actors who will headline a movie and be a draw; like Johnny Depp, George Clooney, and Brad Pitt.

I also take issue with the story surrounding Clash of the Titans. It’s really, really shallow, void of any sort of depth. The people of Argos don’t respect the Gods, the Gods get mad and demand a bunch of sorrys. Perseus’ family gets killed, so he wants revenge. More or less, that’s the movie in a nutshell. For those of you expecting a movie you’ll be able to scrutinize and reflect upon once it’s over, stay away from this picture by all means! The only people I see enjoying this film are the ones who only want interesting looking CGI action. If you don’t mind paying full price for a film that’s not even halfway interesting, by all means go and see Clash of the Titans. However, if you’re looking for a movie where you don’t have to click the switch to your brain into the off position, stay the flip away from this God-awful movie.

Closing Statement
Clash of the Titans’ trailers did it a great service by showing cool monsters and fast paced action every single second. Good thinking Warner Bros., because if they went and showed the scenes that didn’t include monster slaying in it, then maybe the Titan-sized profit they made this weekend would’ve been as imaginary as the Kraken, the Greek Gods, the city of Argos, oh, and the illusion that Warner Bros. created through its trailers making me think that Clash of the Titans would be a good movie. Got me!

The Verdict
2/10

Terminator: Salvation

OPENING: 05/21/2009

STUDIO: Warner Bros.

RUN TIME: 115 min

TRAILER: Trailer

ACCOMPLICES: Official Site

SOUNDTRACK:

The Charge
The end begins.

Opening Statement
There are many things that would seem to indicate the Terminator franchise is dying. Director James Cameron is done with the series. Star Arnold Schwarzenegger is busy serving as the Governor of California. The television series The Sarah Connor Chronicles was canceled days before this film was released in theatres. And the director of this latest picture, McG, is best known as the helmer of the kinda-terrible Charlie’s Angels movies. So does Terminator: Salvation re-energize a lackluster brand (much like the recent Star Trek film) or simply put another nail in the coffin?

Facts of the Case
The film begins in the year 2018. Human resistance forces are at war with a super-intelligent organized network of deadly machines, also known as Skynet. At the moment, the humans appear to be losing the war. They are outnumbered and outmatched by their ferocious metal enemies. Even so, resistance leader John Connor (Christian Bale) does not give up hope. He believes with enough resolve and resourcefulness, the war can be won. Also playing key roles in the resistance are an ex-convict named Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington) and an intelligent soldier named Kyle Reese (Anton Yelchin). Can these men save what is left of humanity, or will Earth soon be ruled by Skynet?

The Evidence
Let’s start by focusing on the positive. Terminator: Salvation is a slick, professionally-crafted adventure that provides all of the adrenaline-filled action sequences and lavish special effects that one expects from a summer blockbuster. The film also wins points for not being entirely stupid. There are a lot of things that blow up in this film, but as explosion-filled films go, this one is reasonably realistic and well-organized. The continuity and plotting are fairly tight, the technical aspects are impressive, and most of the new machines seem to fit reasonably well within the established Terminator universe. There’s just one major problem: I didn’t care about anything.

The first two Terminator films are tremendously well-made action movies, but they are action movies with a soul. I cared a great deal about Sarah Connor, her son John Connor, and Arnold’s monotone robotic killer. I was interested in them, I liked them, and the first time I saw those films I invested genuine emotion in the fates of those characters. I wanted to see Sarah live and Arnold die in the first film. I wanted John and Arnold survive in the second film. But watching Terminator: Salvation, I simply didn’t care. I didn’t care about John or Marcus or Kyle. I didn’t hate any of the machines enough to yearn for their destruction, but it didn’t matter to me who won the war. It’s a soulless exercise in action that can’t manage to present a better excuse for its existence than the obvious desire to milk whatever money is left in the Terminator brand.

The film honestly doesn’t feel much like Terminator movie, coming closer to resembling a mash-up of The Road Warrior and Transformers. Whatever the unique aura Cameron had created in the first two films was missing in the third installment, and it’s definitely missing here. It should be noted this is the first Terminator film to be rated PG-13. If you’re wondering why, just take a visit to the toy section of your local Wal-Mart and see for yourself. I did just that a couple of hours before seeing the film, and it really felt wrong to see Terminator action figures sitting on the shelf next to figures based on Batman: The Brave and the Bold. The rating forces a somewhat non-threatening quality on some of the action scenes, and unintentional laughs during moments that require mud or smoke to blur body parts which dangled freely in earlier installments.

The performances here represent a large part of why the film didn’t work. I’m a huge fan of Christian Bale (I even think his much-maligned Batman/Bruce Wayne is awesome), but this is easily the least interesting performance I’ve ever seen from the actor. He growls and shouts a lot, but there isn’t anything that allows me to connect to him in any way. The performances from Sam Worthington and Anton Yelchin are similarly gruff and underwhelming. Yelchin seems to be failing miserably at doing a Michael Madsen impression, while Worthington comes across as a second-rate Russell Crowe. To be fair, the latter is given a somewhat touching subplot that came close to involving me in the movie a couple of times, but alas, it just wasn’t enough. Character actor Michael Ironside plays the 1,293,392nd military commander role of his career, and does the same thing he usually does, well enough. The females arguably fare even worse. Moon Bloodgood (Blair) and Bryce Dallas Howard (Kate) have absolutely nothing interesting to do, while Jane Alexander (Virginia) and Helena Bonham Carter (Dr. Kogan) give terrible performances in brief, poorly-conceived supporting roles.

The lackluster acting is backed up by a similarly lackluster score from Danny Elfman, a composer I generally love. Elfman chose not to employ the famous Brad Fiedel theme (other than briefly using the rhythm portion during the opening and closing moments), a decision which only furthers the feeling that this isn’t a Terminator film. Say what you want about the previous scores by Fiedel and Marco Beltrami, at least they each had a distinct identity. This one just offers a lot of rehashed motifs and rhythmic devices from Elfman’s score for the Planet of the Apes remake.

Terminator: Salvation also seems to be designed strictly for those who have actually seen the previous three films. Newcomers to the franchise may find themselves lost in a hazy sea of futuristic techno-jargon and some slightly odd mumbo-jumbo about Kyle Reese being John Connor’s father despite being younger than Connor. The film begins and ends in the middle of a raging war, offering very little in the way of a proper introduction and not much of a satisfactory resolution. It’s just a slice of action seemingly ripped out of the mid-section of a vast story that evidently has more interesting things happening on either side of it.

Closing Statement
On a purely technical level, Terminator: Salvation gets the job done. It’s a considerably more well-oiled machine than X-Men Origins: Wolverine. But at least Wolverine had characters that interested me. This feels like it was made by a machine attempting to mimic the sort of action movie humans like. It gets the nuts and bolts right, but has no heart or soul. Ctrl+Alt+Delete – End Terminator Program.

The Verdict
4/10