Nine

OPENING: 12/25/2009

STUDIO: Weinstein Co.

RUN TIME: 118 min

ACCOMPLICES:
Trailer, Official Site

The Charge
This Holiday Season, Be Italian.

Opening Statement
Nine is the sort of film the phrase "Oscar-bait" was created to describe. A musical directed by Rob Marshall (who gave us Chicago and Memoirs of a Geisha); starring award-voters favorites Daniel Day-Lewis, Marion Cotillard, Judi Dench, Nicole Kidman, and Penelope Cruz; with a screenplay co-written by acclaimed Michael Tolkin and the late Anthony Minghella. That Nine is not one of the year’s better films is a surprise, but who would have thought it would be one of the year’s worst?

Facts of the Case
Based on Federico Fellini’s 8 1/2, the plot centers around an Italian film director named Guido (Day-Lewis), who once made immensely popular movies but now makes flops. Guido is married to Luisa (Cotillard), while having an affair with Carla (Cruz), and having a hard time keeping the former from being aware of the latter. Currently preparing his latest film — ambitiously titled Italia — he doesn’t have any clear idea what he wants the film to be about. Guido’s lead actress (Kidman) wants to know what sort of part she’s supposed to be playing, and the journalists (including one played by Kate Hudson) demand to know more about Italia. Will Guido be able to find the answers, or will his career crumble in defeat?

The Evidence
If you haven’t seen Fellini’s 8 1/2, you owe it to yourself to do so. I revisited the film just a few days before seeing Nine, which was perhaps a significant mistake. This is a bad film, but when contrasted with its source material it seems positively abominable. It’s astonishing just how many things Marshall got wrong, though in fairness there are plenty of problems built into the original stage musical. For starters, if a musical has any merit whatsoever it should have good songs, which Nine does not. The melodies are unimaginative and forgettable, and the lyrics nothing short of awful. Things that were left implied and unspoken in 8 1/2 are spelled out with a cringe-inducing lack of subtlety here, as the characters awkwardly inform us precisely what they’re feeling about every single situation. Adding insult to injury is a brand-new song entitled "Cinema Italiano," a laughably stupid tribute to Italian films of the 1950s and ’60s performed by Hudson with giggly mindlessness.

Okay, so there’s one song that actually manages to stick in the brain… a little bit. It’s called "Be Italian," as performed by Sarah Ferguson (known to most of the world as "Fergie"). The tune is decent, but the scene in which it appears is ruined by how explicitly it recalls a superior scene in 8 1/2. If you’ve seen that film, you’ll undoubtedly remember the sequence in which a marvelously bulky and slightly terrifying gypsy woman named Saraghina appears to perform an alluring dance for a group of pre-adolescent boys. Inspiring simultaneous fascination and terror, she makes an enormous impression in her short amount of screen time. Replace this woman with Fergie, and you have a much less effective scene.

This a problem that runs throughout the film: too many scenes attempt to blatantly echo moments from 8 1/2, all of which fall short of making as significant an impression. Part of the failure stems from the fact that most of the actors and actresses seem like… well, actors and actresses playing actors and actresses instead of real people. Each perform their respective roles with gusto — thin as they are, most of the women are asked to do nothing more than parade around in lingerie and bellow a forgettable tune or two — but fail to inject them with any soul. Daniel Day-Lewis does his best to hit that level of stress-masked-by-cool the role requires, but this is a challenging note for him to reach. There’s not much confidence in his performance, appearing a little confused as to how far he should go with his character. How much should the Italian accent be accentuated? How flustered should he seem? Should he be a little enigmatic or very enigmatic? Who does he love, and how much? All these elements seem to shift fitfully, as the film proceeds. The only cast member who manages to make a strong positive impression is Marion Cotillard, who cuts through this empty facade with a dose of heartfelt humanity. She feels out-of-place in this setting, but comes across as real… and for that, she is welcome.

Closing Statement
One of the great ironies is that Nine is a film about cinema that is terribly uncinematic. 8 1/2 was an adventurously directed film that took full advantage of the medium’s possibilities, creating fearless fantasy sequences and staging dazzlingly ambitious shots at every turn. Nine feels curiously stage-bound, with much of the movie taking place in what appears to be a rundown warehouse, all its glitter, glamour, and flash trapped inside a rusty tin can. The result is an experience not much more visually involving than a stage performance captured on film. Care for some more irony? Nine is directed by a man who has even less of an idea how to make his film work than his own protagonist.

The Verdict
1/10